When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't lift himself up. He pushes the world down.
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When the Boogieman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.